Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Crash and Burn

213 - Oh the horror… So I was in the running for theirs Directors Guild Producers Training Program. What it is for those who don’t know is a training program set up to place a certain number of people as second, second assistant directors on film and TV projects for two years. Thousands apply since it is the only real training plan in the industry. So I made it past all these initial steps, the application process, the test (which is harder that any ACT/SAT) then the essay and resume section, and even went to something called the group assessment center. Basically, they stick you in group situations, then have you work together to see how you perform. Now, I felt I did pretty well as far as the tasks were concerned even though we didn’t finish one of them. I even though I did OK in a debate section. However, I crashed when we had the follow-up interview. Talk about impersonal representation for the Guild. Believe me; it isn’t populated by people who want to see you make it. They really got hung up on me having a family, and saying I was never going to see them, and what would happen if I was with a director who wouldn’t let me go home to my family etc…. So I got a call that night telling me that I didn’t make it past that section and had been cut.


And on with the show I would like to say. I wasn’t really expecting anything from it (since there really isn’t a special effort to get white males into the industry since there are so many of us overrunning the place anyway) but I still had high hopes for it. My desire and aspirations far outweigh my luck. I honestly don’t have any connections down here in Movie land and whenever I talk to someone on the inside they always say things like “what you really need to do is talk with someone who is in the biz”! I know, the irony is not lost on me. Everyone is so worried about their own skin and trying to survive in this cut-throat industry they could care less about the newbie’s. The ones who are set in it are so far from reality they have distanced themselves from all of us wanting a break. Talent, it seems is only worth something here after you have established yourself.

My corporate job isn’t helping any. I feel like my eyes are bleeding because I accidentally resized my screen and I can’t get it back to it original size. Poop! I went to the networks Upfronts meeting where they announce all the new shows and schedule in the fall and was un-impressed. A lot of talking, a lot more of the same kind of TV and the whole thing is set up to excite investors into advertising. The funny part about it is that they took place in NY and all the shows are shot out here. Corporate companies will undoubtedly spell the end of creativity in any form of the film medium.

I just got off the phone with my son. He mainly just says “yea” or “yes” to all the questions that I ask but today he told me about going to the park, worms and sung me a lullaby because his daddy was tired. I hope that I will always be able to find beauty in simplicity in everything that I do. It’s amazing that no matter how jaded you feel by the world, feelings of peacefulness can overshadow the negative through intimate contact with those you love. That is beauty

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Growing Boredom

214 - So I got this massive Chocolate cake for Mothers day to give to my wife (so I could eat it of course). Now this thing is 7 pounds of pure sugar and fudge and is honestly the best tasting thing on the planet. The only problem with that is that you constantly want to eat it and it fills you up so bad. Basically, it's like injecting pure sugar an fat into your bloodstream as my wife puts it, but oh, is it good! The consumption of this much cake makes for an ever expanding waistline that unfortunately has been a bane to me for as long as I can remember.

My boredom from my job is growing unfortunately just as fast. It seems that they pile as many menial tasks as possible into one position, make it impossible to do them all with any sort of consistency, for the sole purpose to have someone to blame in case anything goes wrong. Mind you, I haven't done anything wrong, nor been accused of doing something wrong, but the mundane rhetoric of my job and its importance in the overall scheme of things is so underwhelming. I mean, here I am on one of the biggest lots in Hollywood, employed by one of the most successful movie studio's and I am not doing anything remotely related to movies (unless you consider keeping track of subscriptions and golf carts vital to the production). I do have contacts all over the studio though and would really love to move into creative. That's the place where they have say over what movies they are going to do, casting, sets, production etc. I would love to be a part of that. It seems to me that creativity is a fleeting and precious gift that is given to all. If that gift isn't constantly honed and practiced it becomes dormant, and eventually leaves. Sometimes I feel creatively stagnant and I can attribute it to these cubicle walls. Who though up office cubicles on a movie lot anyways...Oh yeah, the New York Corporation that bought us out!

My comfort comes from the end of the day when I get to see my family. It is a healing time when your family is excited to see you and you get to spend time talking and eating and just being together. My son and I went to the museum together to see dinosaurs and butterflies. He does this little happy dance where his feet march away standing in place and his arms flap wildly as he takes in whatever he is seeing. Watching him do that and exclaim "see daddy" makes my job bearable knowing that I am doing this for them. It's like feeling the baby grow in my wife's belly that fills you with a sense of awe and wonder and you realize you are willing to go through anything for them, a bad job, a bad whatever just so they can grow up happy. Somewhere there is resolution to this but right now I am content to live with a lackluster job, and a remarkable family.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

First Time!

212 - So, there is a first time for everything and I suspected it would be pretty useful to document my attempt to break into the movie biz. I know, I know, me and everybody else but there are some unique circumstances for my position and reason behind this adventure, that you will come to realize as I continue to post to this Blog...I will from now on call it my blob. It sounds funnier! Anyways, wish me luck in what I am about to do. To give you a brief background, Right now I work for a major studio in Burbank as a grunt, not doing so much in the way of production but hopefully that will soon change! Follow me on my adventure to see how far I go, and learn about all my little quirks, loves, and disappointments on the way. Mainly, this is for me to look back on and really reminisce!