Pirates of the Caribbean 4: Fun with absolutely no substance

For some reason, Superhero movie seem to have gotten into a rut where the first ones pretty good, the second is great and the third is a jumbled embarrassment. (X-Men, Spiderman etc.) If only Pirates of the Caribbean could have had the problem. Instead it suffers from Matrix fatigue where the first is awesome and the next two devolve into silly confusion. The last two Pirate movies were atrocious so I wasn’t exactly looking forward to a 4th dose.

Fortunately, it’s amazing what a simplified plot can do. It can re-introduce something into the series that was missing from the last two films…that is Fun! Now don’t get me wrong, this is not a good movie by any means, in fact it’s even sillier than its predecessors. It’s almost completely devoid of thrills. The scariest part is when Jack jumps off a cliff (oh, and psycho mermaids). It’s plot is dumber than dumb “A bunch of people are trying to get to the Fountain of Youth including Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) Captain Barbossa (Geoffry Rush), Blackbeard (Ian McShane), Angelica-Blackbeard’s Daughter (Penelope Cruz) and a bunch of Spaniards”. There, sorry If I ruined the movie for you.

Out of the inept action sequences, silly dialog and ridiculous sincerity, comes a watchable and fun film. Granted it makes Thor look like a Terrance Malick movie, but the silliness is all a part of what we signed up for right? We want to see things blow up; pirates make for the high seas, Cannon battles (oh crud, none of those) and mystical legends. It’s exactly what we get. Credit Depp and Cruz for literally carrying the whole movie on innuendoes, and a romance between a mermaid and a clergyman to bring out the emotion.

While it was fun to watch I left feeling unfulfilled. It wasn’t until I had a discussion with a coworker that I realized why. We movie watchers like to see some progression in the characters we have invested in. Weather its changing to a new man, overcoming insurmountable odds or declining into monstrosity…its what fuels our investment. Unfortunately, all the characters remain relatively the same, never reaching beyond their idiosyncrasies. Which makes for great comfort food, but not much in the way of exciting variety that wets out palettes for more. Too bad, the ending sets us up for more weather we like it or not.

Final Consensus:
See it now!!!!
See it in theaters!!!
Rent it on DVD/BluRay!!
Wait for it on TV!
Don’t Bother
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Thor: A great big pile of unbelievable awesomeness!!

Of all the comic book movies that have come out in recent years, Thor is probably the character I know the least about. An avid comic book reader, I can honestly say that I don’t think I’ve ever read a single issue about Thor other than the Avengers series. That being said, I guess I came into this movie with Fresh eyes, and that’s not necessarily a good thing. In dealing with most of the Marvel universe, there is some attempt to at least tie the movie into a hypothetical scientific equation…”what happens if there was genetic mutation?” “What would happen if you had all the money in the world for a super suit?” With Thor, that entire attempt at logic is thrown out the window. Instead we are left with a tale of interplanetary guardians, Norse gods, immortality and a really big Hammer with an unpronounceable name.

After saying all that I bet you were expecting me to tear the film apart. On the contrary, this was one silly, fun, action ride that does not relay on the audiences acceptance of physical limits to have a good time. The fist quarter bothered me because it is so fantastical and out there. Really, we are supposed to care about the problems of whinny gods on a made up planet in a gold castle? But one I took of my cheese detector, I really had a good time with it.

Thor is the God of thunder who is banished by his father to earth for insubordination and has to learn qualities of humanity to return as the rightful heir of the throne. Of course that is an oversimplification, but the rest of the story is just thrown in there to make really cool action fight scenes. Chris Hemsworth as walking testosterone plays the title character as Natalie Portman plays the “most beautiful scientist in the world” (Thanks X-Men, Transformers, Hulk) role as the girl who changes Thor’s heart. It was a little weird that Thor was able to change his heart an attitude so quickly. I guess all one has to do is spend a few days in a remote New Mexican town to prepare to rule the universe.

But if you put your facetiousness aside, this was a quite the thrill ride. Kenneth Branagh, mainly known for his Shakespearian flicks does a great job of making the antiquated speech of Norse gods seem honorable and actually makes the supporting cast earn their laughs. Kat Dennings is a scene-stealer as Potrman’s intern and the special effects (if not too many) do a great job of making sure you know there is nothing based on reality in this movie, and that’s a good thing. While we are talking about the implausible, I have decided that I am going to work on getting Chris Hemsworth physique, That’s all.

Final Consensus:
See it now!!!!
See it in theaters!!!
Rent it on DVD/BluRay!!
Wait for it on TV!
Don’t Bother
Share